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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?